there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
this is an emotional support booty call
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
Sex in the backyard? Check.
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
Randomize
