I stole so many things from the ER last night.
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize
