By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
Randomize
