I'm going to jail i love you
Fuck appropriateness.
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Randomize
