Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
Randomize
