My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
Randomize
