dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
Randomize
