i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
Randomize
