8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Randomize
