Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
