'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
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