I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Randomize
