I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
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