I can tuck mytits in my pants
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
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