Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize