Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
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