I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
Randomize
