You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
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i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
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and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
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