I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
Randomize
