that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
I wish life had little blips of pornography
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
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