why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
Randomize
