we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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