Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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