lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
I can't breathe out the right side of my face
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
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