she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
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