...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
Randomize
