My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
I queefed so loud it echoed.
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
We have started to decorate penises.
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
Randomize
