no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
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