Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
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