Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
Randomize
