Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
Randomize
