I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
Randomize
