allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Randomize
