we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
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