When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
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