How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
