If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
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