Buhtt sex?
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize
