we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
Randomize
