The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
Randomize
