addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
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