Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
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