If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
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