Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Randomize
