i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
The power of my boobs compel you
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
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