i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
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