I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
is wine microwaveable?
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
