Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
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