you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize
