Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
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