sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
