im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
Randomize
