1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
