Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
Randomize
