I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
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