So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
im having a threesome with these popsicles
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
Randomize
