the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
Randomize
