When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
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