Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
only you would photoshop your dick
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
