My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
i drank out of a bidet.
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
Randomize
