I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
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