sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
Randomize
