During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
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