I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
you would pick up someone in the library
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
Randomize
