he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
