woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
Randomize
