smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
Randomize
