Hey man sorry I got all grabby
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
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