the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
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