I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
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