The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Randomize
