im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
