Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Randomize
