Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
Randomize
