My hand turned me down
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
