I wanna passion pit in your ass
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
Randomize
