Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
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