kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
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